Loneliness is an underrated emotion
There was once a time when being alone or the idea of loneliness felt a little odd in general. Now that I think about it, I guess it’s because of my upbringing and the people I grew up around.
If you haven’t felt alone before, you probably have been living under a rock. Oh right! Living under a rock is lonely too.
For the past three years I’ve been off and on living with my family. And by off and on, I mean me leaving home to school (i.e. University — which I didn’t get into anyways but that’s a story for another day).
In these years, I’ve lived around several people and I have met different personalities. However, through all these I’ve always felt lonely within.
I mean people has always been around me, either it’s my family or my friends or just neighbors. But I still somehow feel lonely and I don’t think it would be weird if I kinda like it.
To some people loneliness is not good, cos’ as people would say it brings about bad thoughts and negative energy. And to those people I totally agree with what they say. Whenever I feel lonely, I think… No! Sorry. I mean, I overthink.
Overthinking is far more different than just randomly thinking. I don’t know how I can explain it in better sense for you to understand but to simplify it.
Imagine you wanted to buy an iPhone 13 Pro Max and the night before the next day which you are planning to buy the phone you start thinking if this is a good idea or not. Slowly you begin to overthink the decision and before you know it before morning of the next day you no longer want to buy the iPhone 13.
So you get the point.
They are countless nights that I have felt so lonely that it began to hurt. I’d cry my eyes out multiple times even if I wasn’t hurting physically. This pain only grew bigger and stronger.
I have slowly embraced the idea of being lonely, and at this point it doesn’t scare me as it used to. I think its part of the reason I vibe a lot with Justin bieber’s song “lonely”.
Ever since i was a kid I had next to nothing, no serious friends to hang out with, no passion/priority, no access to the things I imagined I needed and many more.
While all of these things are not as necessary as society has made it to be, the urge to “feel among” always hangs around my head.
Now don’t get me wrong, I tried my best. At least I hope I did. But with all my trial it all felt forced. It always felt forced. So why force something that isn’t supposed to happen in the first place.
Just like drug addicts have drugs, I have loneliness. Maybe sometime in the future I’ll stop feeling lonely but until then, I’ll stick with my loneliness, my pain and my depression.
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